After surviving an unexpected break up,i read a lot about surviving breakups and I found this interesting article by Uncle Ebo Whyte.
Let us begin with a few quotations on relating to breaking up that I found interesting:
• You don't die from a broken heart - you only wish you did.
• Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than to hurt yourself trying to put it back together.
• Nothing hurts more than realizing he meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to him.
• I don’t miss him, I miss who I thought he was
• Never be sad for what is over, just be glad that it was once yours.
Let us begin with ten don’ts when it comes to how to take a breakup.
1. DON'T dismiss your pain and grief. Allow it to happen. When two people separate it is, essentially, the same as experiencing the death of the other partner. Only in death, the other partner did not purposely choose to abandon you or the relationship.
2. Don’t hold on to your bitterness and pain. Remember, holding a grudge is like swallowing poison and hoping it poisons the other person. Believe it or not, your best revenge for someone who has hurt you in a love relationship is wish him well with no hard feelings and really mean it. The sooner you can let go of the anger and resentment, the better for you.
3. Don’t blame yourself. Believe me, the breakup may have nothing to do with you; it may have everything to do with the other person. So don’t take all the blame upon yourself.
4. Don’t curse the day you met him/her. Don’t regret that you love the person you have loved; instead celebrate the time you had together.
5. Don’t bounce back too soon. You have been hurt; don’t get back into a relationship too soon just to show the other person. If you do, you will destroy that relationship also.
6. Don’t betray the person’s confidence and destroy their reputation. In a relationship we share secrets and confidences. When there is a breakup, you find yourself in possession of secrets that could destroy, or at the very least, embarrass the other person. Be careful what you do with those secrets.
7. Don’t give up on love. After a breakup, many people close their hearts and are too afraid to allow themselves to love again. Let go of the past. Take the risk to love again; it is a risk worth taking.
8. Don’t throw away your dignity. It is ok to try to get the person back but you should know when it is over and you should not go to the extent of throwing your dignity away. If you did something to hurt the other person, by all means apologize but don’t grovel. If the person accepts your apology, fine; if he doesn’t move on with your life with your dignity intact.
9. Don’t romanticize your time with that person. One of the dangers of a breakup is that you would soon forget the real person and create this wonderful picture of what life was like with him/her. It is unfair to you and it is self-defeating.
10. Don’t be afraid of moving on. The biggest fear of many people struggling to keep a terrible relationship going is how to find another person to love them. The fact is, if you don’t let go, you will never know. Let go and you will be amazed at what awaits you.
TO BE CONTINUED