Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Opening pandora’s box

Who ever said fate doesn’t have a sense of humour???? I still look back with a wistful smile on my face at the summer break of July 2006!!! ( I even have that smile on my face with those twinkles in my eyes now). I was a young nineteen year old girl, freshman in the uni, looking forward to my second year, never been in love( though I had had two long term boyfriends). I mean I was just me, happy go lucky as usual.

Well, that day was just like any other. If I knew it was the day I was going to meet my third boyfriend and first love, I would have woken up with a huge smile on my face, jumped out of bed with an extra leap, eaten my favourite food and not had that huge fight I had with my grandma.( Well, if I had not had that fight, I wouldn’t have probably had that fiery temper he fell in love with)

Just to start from the beginning, seconds after that huge fight( where I had the whole family mad at me cos they said I wanted to kill the old woman) I heard my phone ringing… T alk about wrong timing. Well, I refused to pick up the damn phone, only to find myself feeling bad 5 seconds later. I decided to call back later and I heard that soothing voice that later led me to fall head over heels in love…

We ended up having the best two years of my life that led to the worst heartbreak ever but it is still a memory I wouldn’t trade for all the gold in Arabia… W e made memories that would remain with me for a lifetime. But my fondest memories do not include the D&G perfume he got me for our first Christmas together, or the sterling silver chain with my initials that I got for our first vals day together, or that mug with that poem written on it, he got me for the first birthday I spent with him. Though that mug still brings some memories( since I am a poetry lover)

What really brings that smile to my face and sometimes tears to my eyes were the moments he held me in his eyes as I cried my eyes out over nothing or the moments we laughed over nothing and cracked silly jokes…. My favourite memory was the time when we used our last money to buy food instead of fuel and ended up pushing the car to safety. (You should have seen my bulging muscles as I pushed the car.lol)

Well, who ever said fate doesn’t have a sense of humour???? It’s funny how you fall so deeply in love and you think you are the reason why the world revolves and then you end up getting your heart broken and you wish the world will come to an end. It’s funny how the one person you loved with your all is the same person who breaks your heart into unfixable pieces…. It’s funny how they hurt with the same intensity they loved…

After the only man you ever loved you later became the only man who broke your heart leaves your life. You lock everything inside you and decide not to fall in love... Nobody wants to feel the pain and dejection twice.

But after a while, you find yourself peeping into the locked box to see if the ugly memories are dead. Sometimes, you find yourself going through a time machine and reaching out for the ghost of boyfriend past. In the chills of the night, you find yourself reaching out to touch him under the covers and when you touch the empty air.... You walk down the street with a well practiced, "i'm so strong" look in your eyes but under the covers of the night..... it's a whole new different story.

Opening Pandora's box of secret is scary.... It is a reminder of the moments you let down your guards as a woman, It lets you see the days you let your eyes reveal too much and let your fingertips trace out a dream. It makes you see the " i love yous'" that should have remained unsaid and promises that should not have been made.

I still have my box locked in the belly of my soul.... somedays, i'm tempted to peep inside but others i console myself by saying, what you don't know can't kill you!!! or CAN IT????


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